Happy New Year!

Jan12011

And happy new decade…can you believe that one!?! Yet again it’s been way too long since I’ve written and I’m not really one for resolutions…so I will not resolve to write more. I’m just going to do it. A lot has happened since the last my post. I did the 9k race that turned out to be more of a 6 mile. It rained and I went a lone, but the course was nice and other then the distance issue it was a great race. I did much better then I thought I would, 129 out of 910 over all and 12th out of the 95 in my age group.

We went to Bakersfield for Thanksgiving this year, spent the holiday with Ev’s family. I always enjoy going to Bakersfield – I know nuts right?! – but I like Bakersfield, and I like Ev’s family :) People usually make the place for me. I had my first black Friday experience while we were there. Toysrus was opening up at 10 Thanksgiving night and I thought I’d do a little shopping. HA, ummm yeah I had no idea. Luckily I had the foresight to show up two hours early, but not to bring a chair or a partner in crime. Ev’s dad brought me a chair and ended up staying the 6 hours the whole thing would take. It was insanity. Not at all grab what you’re looking for and get out. No, it was grab what you’re looking for and stand in line to pay while being led through the entire store for 3 hours. They should have just made people just stay in line, I mean we went down every single isle. You could have just picked up what you needed on the long journey to check out. Pop and I watched in awe as the group of ladies in front of us in line continued to fill their 4 karts for hours and hours. They must have saved all year for the shopping spree they were having. I do have to say that while standing in line for 5 hours is ridiculous, I did get most of the kids Christmas presents for half of what I would have had to pay other wise. I think this is my future, with 4 kids you have to get creative and I don’t think it will always be fun ;p But because of those 6 hours my kids had an amazing Christmas. It was definitely worth it and I will do it again. Next time I will be prepared, I mean some of these ladies had store layouts! All and all a once in a life time experience and I got to share it with my Father in law, not something you can say every day right?! And he was still speaking to me the next day :) Thanksgiving was wonderful, good food and good company. Our visit was great, I even got a run in. It was relaxing and went by way to fast.

The weekend after we got home I did my first 10k trail run with Eileen. It was raining off and on, but the course was so beautiful I didn’t really notice. The first 3 miles of the race just went up and up and up. I was pretty sure I was going to be touching clouds and my thighs were going to burst into flames. It was so hard, and so amazing. As they say what goes up….I flew down. It was an amazing feeling, I just let gravity take me. My legs moved on their own, so swift and easy. I have a new appreciation for trail running, I understand why people fall in love with it. This was the hardest race and really run I’ve done. I placed 71 out of 128 and 15 out of 27 in my age group. Not amazing but definitely not bad. I don’t think I’ve mentioned before but about a year ago I started playing soccer again too. A friend of mine from church came across an indoor league for women and asked if I wanted to sign up with her. I’m not awesome and indoor is a lot different then outdoor, but it’s fun, good exercise and a nice break.

It’s like I woke up one morning and felt like it was ok to get back to some of the things that make me happy. I love being active and I think soccer and running are full filling that need. The rest of December was a whirlwind of Christmas preparation. We hosted Christmas this year and it was so fun. We managed to fit in all the traditional stuff, Tron, some shopping, and opened a ton of gifts. I think everyone had a good time, and it was a memorable holiday. I feel blessed to be a part of Ev’s family. They accept me and treat me like one of their own. Holidays remind me of this, and make me appreciate them even more.




2010 was a good year for my family. It definitely was not lacking in bumps and disappointments, but with the support of a wonderful family you can over come anything. I have an amazing life. I can only hope 2011 brings more of them same.

A new decade too, which blows my mind. A decade has gone by! I’ve been in California for 10 years. I’ve been married for almost 10 years. In the last 10 years…I graduated from college, moved 3000 miles twice, got married, had 4 beautiful children, and so much more! It really seems like the blink of an eye. I hope the next 10 years are as wonderful and exciting as the last.
I only wish my mom was still here to see everything. I think she would be proud of me, and so in love with her grandkids. I miss her, and while not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, this time of year is the hardest. I’ve been feeling like I needed a place that I could put flowers or just sit and talk to her, probably sounds strange. My own little memorial, so I made one. Ev’s mom gave us a stepping stone kit last year so the kids & I used it to make a stepping stone in her honor. I was originally going to do it by myself, but my mom would have let the kids help – so I did. I think it came out perfect. We put in the backyard and are going to plant around it in the spring. I think the first thing is going to be Aidan’s paperwhite bulb. So here’s to a brand new year and decade of possibilities!



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Updates

Jun132009

I can not believe it’s already June!? Time just seems to move faster and faster, even the slow lazy days don’t go as slow as they used to. Things in the mooshoo house, like time, are just flying along.

Lennox finished preschool and is now officially a kindergartner! He is so so excited and I’m not so so so excited… well part of me is. Part of me is excited for this time to start for him, part of me knows he will do wonderful, be extremely charming and have a million friends. Part of me knows all the worries I have will seem small and silly. You know that part of you that worries that kids will make fun him, he will get hurt feelings and I won’t be there to make them go away. That part of me that is afraid after all our hard work and therapy his teacher and classmates will still have a hard time understanding him. And because of this he will finally get frustrated and start to withdraw. Those parts keep me up at night. Then the other part of me that knows it’s all worry for nothing, and he will be fine. He will grow and thrive and be the amazing person I already know.

Aidan is also starting his path to school, officially a preschooler! He will finally have his own friends, and make memories that have nothing to do with me. He will learn to trust people outside his family. He is going to explode in preschool. He loves people so much, any people, all people, just give him people! Like Lennox I think he will have no trouble in the friend department. Having the opposite of shy kids makes life so much easier…esp when making this transition to school. That first day he will kiss me goodbye and not look back. And that’s ok because that means I’m doing something right.

The ladies had their first hair cuts today. Cuba was awesome; she sat very still, so still the lady actually cut layers in her hair. She was amazing! Cora wasn’t a fan at first but quickly got into the groove and was super happy to receive a sucker at the end. They both look so cute. Cuba has a short bob with short bangs. Cora’s got short bangs to, but because her hair is wavy it doesn’t really look like a bob. They are just adorable. It’s amazing how much they are changing, every morning they look more grown up. Chatting up a storm and repeating just about any thing you ask them to. They let me fix their hair and love to play dress up. Grandma Cindy got them some princess shoes and it took them no time at all to figure them out (they have to fight Aidan for them). Girls are so different then boys. We have also started the potty training process, slow and easy. They just sit on the potty every night before getting into the bath tub. Its fun and they have actually gone a few times…I’m pretty sure more good timing then anything else. It’s insane to think being diaper free is in my not to distant future! We have come such a long way from dragging the hiking backpack every where to now just taking a few diapers, wipes and sippy cups. Soon I will be diaper bag free!!!

More soon…
cora
cuba

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Sometimes sharing with the world is the way to go

Apr62009

I’ve been thinking a lot since the last post about my mom. Thinking about the way my father and sister responded, the things they said. It was not the reaction I honestly thought I would get, but now I know. There was never a discussion about what I wrote just lots of not listening and ugly threats. So many things said that can not be taken back and I will never forget. To say that I was hurt would be an enormous understatement. It’s still painful, I don’t know if that kind of pain every goes away, you just find a place to put it and try not to dwell. As it turns out all the ugliness was for the best, because it freed me. I walked away from it all, and in the process discovered I had a whole family I was never allowed to know. It angers me that I missed out on them and now I have to get to know them as an adult rather then in the less complicated time of childhood. I wish I could have grown up knowing them not marred by lies. My mom passing really threw everything I thought I knew out the window.

My father said something to me several times… “You are only a daughter”. I can only imagine he meant my tie to my mother was not as important as his. I find this very sad because in the end, you can fall in love again, remarry, find a new best friend, but for all of us there is only one mother. She can not be replaced.

I am not writing to illicit a response, I am doing it for me. Every time I write I feel empowered. This is me putting my foot down, speaking from my own mind about my own feelings. I may have lost my mother, father and sister but I found myself. This is my soapbox.

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Good People

Apr62009

While walking to school this morning Lennox lost his sharing thing…he stopped to say hello to a friend and show the Spiderman ball he proudly chose. He had it all worked out, what he was going to tell every one about this ball. Share all the great memories of catch with his brother and Daddy. We hurried along to the classroom and just before walking in realized his sharing bag was empty. So we ran back through our steps tracing them all the way back to the meeting with his friend. It was no more then a minute later because our friends had only reached the end of the path we had just taken. Sadly the ball was no where to be found. The path we took is well traveled so I can only think that someone picked it up, not such a cool thing to do. Lennox being the very sensitive kid that he is, was heart broken. He spent the first half of class crying off and on, morning the loss of his sharing item. It was very sad, and then one of Lennox’s classmate’s mom felt so bad that she went out and got him a Spiderman bubble set and brought it back just in time for him to use it for sharing. How awesome is that! Such a wonderful and thoughtful thing to do, and it totally changed his mood, a small thing to us, restored his faith in humanity-ya know. So his day went from I lost my ball to look what Mrs. Sharon got for me. I am eternally grateful…because instead of taking a sad boy home for a sad afternoon, I took a happy boy home for an excited afternoon. Oh and she lives down the street…so yeah I have awesome neighbors!!!

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We’re moving

Feb52009

It’s been 3 weeks today that my mom passed. It’s an odd thing to say. I’ve run into that over and over in these past weeks, how do you tell people. How do you tell them without it being awkward? I’ve discovered it’s always going to be awkward. Its funny being worried about making people feel bad about your own loss.
My mom’s death was not sudden. Many who know me know my mom had Multiple Sclerosis. That is not what took her life. She lost a battle with alcohol and died from cirrhosis of the liver. I shouldn’t even really say she lost a battle, I don’t know that she left this world thinking she had a problem.
Some where a long the road she began to self medicate, MS and drinking do not go hand-n-hand. Most of the medications are already hard on the liver, oh and guess what alcohol only makes the symptoms of MS worse. Unknowing, or not accepting this reality she just increased her intake, until alcohol was in control. Nothing was more important and then she gave up.
She left behind many confused and hurt people. That’s the crappy part about death, the dead move on but we are left behind to deal with life with out them. We all say it’s good they’re not in pain any more, and they’re in a better place…but what about us. The people left behind that still need them.
My mom never met my daughters, one of which looks just like her-down to her sideways smile. Lennox will be the only one who has any memories of her and they will be few, but good. She was an excellent grandma, and my heart breaks for my children because they will only know stories of her.
Life doesn’t stop, it doesn’t even slow down when you lose someone. I was in VA for a week, came home and hit the ground running. I had to register Lennox for school right away, which went so badly that we are now moving.
Registering Lennox for kindergarten left me in tears, insanity the complications! I put it in God’s hands and guess what – he provided. I drove by a house for rent in the neighborhood that Lennox’s preschool’s in and pow bang boom we’re moving! I have two more weeks to pack, and it’s actually not going to bad.
The new house is so insanely nice that it boggles my mind! It’s huge and in such a nice a neighborhood. We don’t even have to cross a street to take Lennox to school. I’m so excited to move in, this month is not going to go by fast enough. I’m thankful for moving, it gives me something to think about besides my mom.
lennox and grandma

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