I’ve been thinking a lot since the last post about my mom. Thinking about the way my father and sister responded, the things they said. It was not the reaction I honestly thought I would get, but now I know. There was never a discussion about what I wrote just lots of not listening and ugly threats. So many things said that can not be taken back and I will never forget. To say that I was hurt would be an enormous understatement. It’s still painful, I don’t know if that kind of pain every goes away, you just find a place to put it and try not to dwell. As it turns out all the ugliness was for the best, because it freed me. I walked away from it all, and in the process discovered I had a whole family I was never allowed to know. It angers me that I missed out on them and now I have to get to know them as an adult rather then in the less complicated time of childhood. I wish I could have grown up knowing them not marred by lies. My mom passing really threw everything I thought I knew out the window.
My father said something to me several times… “You are only a daughterâ€. I can only imagine he meant my tie to my mother was not as important as his. I find this very sad because in the end, you can fall in love again, remarry, find a new best friend, but for all of us there is only one mother. She can not be replaced.
I am not writing to illicit a response, I am doing it for me. Every time I write I feel empowered. This is me putting my foot down, speaking from my own mind about my own feelings. I may have lost my mother, father and sister but I found myself. This is my soapbox.