If you’ve been reading any of my post lately I’m sure I come across a bit ehh I don’t know…frustrated, sad, overwhelmed and lately I have been all of those things. Months of inconsistent sleep and burning my candle at both ends have helped me slip into a bad place. I’ve been trying , since the girls were born, to do it all-by myself. Life has let me know in no uncertain terms that this is not possible. I need help and lots of it. The people around me think I have it all under control and I have to let them know, I don’t. Well I should say I don’t every day. I have good days when I feel like I’ve got things all tied up, but mostly it’s a spiraling out of control mess (or at least that’s the way in looks from here). A lot of things outside my small world are also going wrong. You know that saying God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle, well lately I’ve been wondering if maybe God got me confused with someone else. That really sums it up. I don’t like being here. I want to be positive and enjoy my family and life. That’s why I’m writing about it here. I seem to be able to work things out when I write, so I’m going to write. Write and write until I feel better.
I also realized I never wrote a 6 month post about the girls. They’ve just discovered each other. It makes my heart swell when they look at each other and smile. They make each other laugh and give kisses. It’s amazing how gentle they are, reaching out to touch a cheek or grab a hand. Not to say they don’t accidently pop each other pretty often. They’re getting so strong and are so close to sitting up. Cora rolls all over and often sleeps on her tummy (which freaks us out). Cuba’s babbling is starting to sound like mama and baba (which I think is her way of saying Bub-who she loves). They’re eating solids about twice a day, we’re working towards a third. Rice cereal is just about the only thing they don’t like (and formula). I’m still feeding them at the same time and they’ve gotten much more patient with me and taking turns. They are still growing slow but steady. This is why I’m working towards the third solid meal of the day because I don’t want to cut back too much on nursing just yet. I’m not going to talk much about their growth, while I have been assured over and over that they are two very healthy girls, I’m still working through my doubts. They spend much less time being carried around these days. I sit them in their bumbo seats with a bin of toys between them and can usually take a shower (bringing them in the bathroom) or get dinner started while they play. We’re still working on sleeping, both naps and night time change from day to day. No teeth yet, got no problem with that. The longer they’re toothless the better for my boobies! I get asked often if they are identical or fraternal, we think fraternal. Really it doesn’t matter much to us , it doesn’t change anything either way. But for being fraternal they are so similar in their development. A small difference in their weight and height, but every thing else has been the same. Rolling over within minutes of each other, babbling the same day, although they do babble in different ways. I don’t plan on putting much emphasis on them being twins as they grow. They’re sisters that met each other before we met them, which is special for them, but has nothing to do with them as individuals. One of my favorite things to do with them right now is holding them right after nursing. Their cheeks and noses are pink and they’re a little milk drunk. They ‘re so happy, holding my face with both hands giving baby open mouth kisses , in between me covering their little faces with kisses. That’s what I love best right now, kissing their pink checks.
This is the hardest but most rewarding time in my life.