Well it’s raining yet again and I’m sitting here with little sick butter bean Aid sleeping on my chest. He started puking last night and has yet to stop-poor little monkey. It’s quiet except for the low mumble of our TV. Ev and Bub went to pick up a trailer so we can pick up our new washer and dryer-they are used but new to us. Our dryer quit Thursday and I now have such a HUGE appreciation for having that convenience. Especially after a late night visit to the laundry mat. Our dryer waited until almost everything we owned needed washing and a bout of never ending rain making line drying impossible – to crock. The laundry mat is expensive, but I did wash everything we own at once-so one high note amongst the lows.

Life has been busy …or rather the boys have been keeping me busy. They have both needed a lot of attention and by the end of the day there’s nothing for me-well other then to close my eyes and drift off into dreamless sleep. I have been struggling. The way life has been going there has been little time for me. Little time for writing and creating, little time to focus my thoughts. I’ve been feeling unbalanced and finally went to the doctor yesterday. They took blood and will be testing all my hormone levels, but my doc assures me that it’s just alone time I need. I’m pretty sure she’s right, but finding that time is almost impossible. Ev works so much that when he’s not working I would rather spend time as a family then go off by myself. And well going off by myself isn’t really all that appealing. I need to make more friends, who would have thought making new friends as an adult could be so hard. The doc also said Ev&I need to make time for ourselves-I agree. But we have no family close and don’t know anyone well enough close by to make it a regular thing.(our close friends all live at least 30 minutes away) When family does visit or we visit them-we’d rather spend time with them then go off alone. I am left to wonder where the balance is, how do we work it? How do other people do it? I am honestly afraid that if we don’t figure it out I will soon be on anti depressants-like to avoid that one.

I also had my diaphragm checked …gotta go up a size. The doc asked why I wanted to bother with it when I could take birth control or better yet have some wire implanted in my whoohaa that keeps the babies away for up to five years. I am not a fan of extra hormones and would rather use condoms or a diaphragm. We just figure when we’ve decided yes or no on more kids that Ev will just get fixed. The doc was not real happy with this answer and was very pushy with the IUD. I politely informed her it had already been decided and was not up for discussion. I still left with all the info she could find including a dvd. Heh…we watched it –just out of curiosity. And well yeah it just reinforced my desire not to go there. Soooo much fun being a woman.

Well the boys are back so I’m off to was the puke out of my hair…