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Some Lovin from L.A.W

This little ditty was written by my very best friend – L.A.W

Soliciting Sucks
I once thought that the most annoying of the door to door solicitors were of the religious kind. You know the ones that knock on your door on Saturday morning after you have had too much to drink the night before or now days having kids you are just plain tired and want to be left alone while Dora is screaming in the background. They are the people that leave the nice little pamphlets that tell you that you are doomed and going to burn in hell if you do not convert to their ways and let them save your soul. Well, as of yesterday I have decided that they are not so bad if you compare them to the Kirby vacuum salesperson!! I wish I had sound effects… (duuduuduuum). Those pushy cult leaders have nothing on the door to door self proclaimed carpet cleaners.
Before I begin my bashing let me give you a little history of myself so that you know that I am not generally a negative and judgmental person. Oh and by the way if any of you out there reading this are in this “profession,” and I use the term loosely, I am sorry for hurting your feelings for what I about to say.
I grew up in the Deep South. My Mom, grandpa, and grandma would tear my hide into pieces if I disrespected anyone. I was taught to kill with kindness and to never judge others. I learned to always say yes ma’am and yes sir no matter the person’s age or color of their skin. We are all equal and should be treated that way bottom line. I was a good kid, still am, but I sometimes speak before I think and that has been known to cause problems. But this time I am proud of myself. I restrained myself and kept my cool and now come the words of disgust.
My husband (educated guy that is in law enforcement) is neither the trusting nor the gullible type. Well, he was caught with his guard down and just trying to be polite for once and he let “the carpet cleaners” into our house. They claimed that they were recommended by one of our neighbors, used the guys name and everything, and that they just wanted to get word of mouth out about their new business in the area. All they wanted to do was to clean our living room and take out a few spots and it was all free as long as we told our friends about them. They came in and proceeded to assemble a Kirby vacuum. I knew from that moment that we had been suckered and I was pissed! All I could think about was how I was going to get them out of my house and still make my momma proud.
I let them do their presentation. How long could it take? Thirty minutes? Well, try three hours! Holy Hell! I was about to crack. They would not stop with the sales pitch and it was so old after the first 10 minutes. I kept my cool because I figured that they were a young couple trying to make ends meet and how would I feel in their shoes. They never really cleaned my carpet nor did they take out the stains they promised. Then they tried to sell me the darn contraption for the bargain price of $1,795. I about peed my pants. My husband’s jaw hit the floor and bounced back I swear twice. I told them that it was just ridiculous and that if we could afford to buy a vacuum that cost that much did they think that we would be living in an apartment. Then they continued to play games even though I politely told them no. Well, the game went on for what seemed forever and I continued to reject them. They had the cheesy sales pitch of “don’t tell anyone but my boss understands your situation and today only he will give you the vacuum for $1,000 with no money down and no payments for 45 days.” I still politely said no. They just would not give it up. Then they tried the dirty sales tactics of insult. Telling me that my floor was dirty and that my baby should not be on a filthy carpet. Lord knows I am not a dirty person. Hygiene is high on my list of priorities. I then got up off my sofa and asked them to pack up their stuff and leave. I was sick and I went on to tell them that. They took their sweet time and I just went on with my business. I changed my daughter’s poopy diaper on the floor where they were packing up and I let her throw cheerios all over after that. I went into my kitchen and made lunch and acted as if they were not even there. My husband whispered to me he was sorry and I loudly stated back “honey, you shouldn’t be sorry for their rudeness and flat out lies!” They then said that they would let us talk about the offer and check back with us in two weeks.
I said nothing. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. I locked the door and busted out laughing with my hubby. It was all quite comical.
Well, I have decided that when and if they do come back I will tell them what I think nice or not. I have complained to Consumer Affairs, the Better Business Bureau and I have checked to see if they have a permit to solicit in city limits. They do not have a permit and I will have my nice hubby arrest them when they contact us again.
So I guess that I learned that the polite way is not always the right way for all situations and they are going to learn not to mess with what they think are gullible rednecks. You cannot judge a book by its cover and I hope they get that while behind bars. I just hope that they did not deceive an elderly person or another young couple. It disgusts me and I hope that this does not happen to you. Love you all, L.A.W

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