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Bakersfield

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We’re heading home now from a brief visit to Bakersfield, and I am sad to go. I know many of you might wonder why in the world would I be sad to leave Bakersfield. It’s not because I love cows and oil fields…that’s all fine and dandy, but for me it’s all about the people…Ev’s family, immediate, extended, and honorary make it a special place for me. Our visits seem to fly by now, even when there is no special occasion or reason for our visit we are busy from sun up till long after sun down. This time we had two reasons (not that we need one ). Ev’s birthday and the retirement of a close family friend. Ev’s mom being the awesome lady that she is surprised him with a very Sponge Bob themed party,complete with Sponge Bob pinata. He was pretty darn tickled. He was even able to save almost fully intacted…Sponge Bob had strings on his pants that you pull till his bottom opens. So yeah, all the kids were excitedly gathering candy (sponge bob candy) that fell from his butt 😉 On all our visits we try to make it to Church either Wednesday or Sunday.This Sunday Randy (preacher/amazing speaker ) gave a great lesson about as a Christian we can’t just talk the talk, we also have to walk the walk. Not an easy thing to do,but the reward is worth it!Then we got to sit in on Ev’s dad’s class, today we talked about Daniel’s vision of the beasts. Very interesting class, esp because it was taught by my father-in-law. He has an amazing knowledge of history and the bible, which makes for a very well rounded and informative class. We usually go to lunch after church and today was no different. We hit up one of my favorite places in Bakersfield, Roadhouse Grill. Oh, I love that place. Peanuts in the shell that you can just toss on the floor. Their sweet potatoes are to die for and they have bison- score & score! Now we’re on the road and I’m composing this post on my phone with a wordpress application. Technology is pretty awesome! All & all another great trip and I leave looking forward to the next!

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

My life changed this day 33 years ago…the love of my life was born!
Happy Birthday Ev, I am so grateful for you.

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HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Hope everyone is happy and surrounded by love today and every day!

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2 Years

Some days the pain in my heart is so great that I think it might stop beating. I can’t begin to tell you how often something will hit me just right and I have to hide in the bathroom and cry. Then there are all the times I cry right out in the open…it’s happening less and less these days. Sometimes it feels like a dream, completely unreal and unbelievable. Not enough time has passed. I’m still so angry, angry at her, and my father. So angry I can’t bring myself to talk to him and we’ve got two years of silence under our belts now. I don’t know if there will ever be a time when I am not angry. Two years, every day of which I say “I should probably go talk to someone”…you know maybe a therapist. I’ve got lots of unresolved things floating around, and I’m not so sure my ignoring them forever is going to work. It’s funny though, every other aspect of my life is good. My little family is growing and thriving, we are good, happy. I don’t understand how I can this ever present hole and pain in my heart and yet be happy and thrive. I don’t understand it but I can tell you it has made much more introspective. Introspective and careful. Careful with myself and the people I love. I am different person now. To say her death changed me would be huge understatement. It changed everything I thought I knew about my life and most of the people in it.
This night two years ago I sat on a couch opposite my mom in her living room,watching her breath. I watched her for hours until her breathing slowed and finally stopped. I was happy to be with her as she left this world. Happy to hold her hand and whisper how much she would be missed, but that it was ok for her to go. In those early morning hours my heart broke in a way that can not be fixed. I will always have a scar and it will always hurt. But I can’t change it so I have to put more and more of myself into my happy life and less into what I can not change. Tomorrow I will do things that make me feel good, and I will feel grateful for my happy life and thriving family…I might even have to drag them to Red Lobster for an admirals feast in my mom’s honor 🙂
From last year…

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Aid Cora courtney Cuba Ev exercise friends General health mom mooshoo mother photography pictures the kiddos

Happy New Year!

And happy new decade…can you believe that one!?! Yet again it’s been way too long since I’ve written and I’m not really one for resolutions…so I will not resolve to write more. I’m just going to do it. A lot has happened since the last my post. I did the 9k race that turned out to be more of a 6 mile. It rained and I went a lone, but the course was nice and other then the distance issue it was a great race. I did much better then I thought I would, 129 out of 910 over all and 12th out of the 95 in my age group.

We went to Bakersfield for Thanksgiving this year, spent the holiday with Ev’s family. I always enjoy going to Bakersfield – I know nuts right?! – but I like Bakersfield, and I like Ev’s family 🙂 People usually make the place for me. I had my first black Friday experience while we were there. Toysrus was opening up at 10 Thanksgiving night and I thought I’d do a little shopping. HA, ummm yeah I had no idea. Luckily I had the foresight to show up two hours early, but not to bring a chair or a partner in crime. Ev’s dad brought me a chair and ended up staying the 6 hours the whole thing would take. It was insanity. Not at all grab what you’re looking for and get out. No, it was grab what you’re looking for and stand in line to pay while being led through the entire store for 3 hours. They should have just made people just stay in line, I mean we went down every single isle. You could have just picked up what you needed on the long journey to check out. Pop and I watched in awe as the group of ladies in front of us in line continued to fill their 4 karts for hours and hours. They must have saved all year for the shopping spree they were having. I do have to say that while standing in line for 5 hours is ridiculous, I did get most of the kids Christmas presents for half of what I would have had to pay other wise. I think this is my future, with 4 kids you have to get creative and I don’t think it will always be fun ;p But because of those 6 hours my kids had an amazing Christmas. It was definitely worth it and I will do it again. Next time I will be prepared, I mean some of these ladies had store layouts! All and all a once in a life time experience and I got to share it with my Father in law, not something you can say every day right?! And he was still speaking to me the next day 🙂 Thanksgiving was wonderful, good food and good company. Our visit was great, I even got a run in. It was relaxing and went by way to fast.

The weekend after we got home I did my first 10k trail run with Eileen. It was raining off and on, but the course was so beautiful I didn’t really notice. The first 3 miles of the race just went up and up and up. I was pretty sure I was going to be touching clouds and my thighs were going to burst into flames. It was so hard, and so amazing. As they say what goes up….I flew down. It was an amazing feeling, I just let gravity take me. My legs moved on their own, so swift and easy. I have a new appreciation for trail running, I understand why people fall in love with it. This was the hardest race and really run I’ve done. I placed 71 out of 128 and 15 out of 27 in my age group. Not amazing but definitely not bad. I don’t think I’ve mentioned before but about a year ago I started playing soccer again too. A friend of mine from church came across an indoor league for women and asked if I wanted to sign up with her. I’m not awesome and indoor is a lot different then outdoor, but it’s fun, good exercise and a nice break.

It’s like I woke up one morning and felt like it was ok to get back to some of the things that make me happy. I love being active and I think soccer and running are full filling that need. The rest of December was a whirlwind of Christmas preparation. We hosted Christmas this year and it was so fun. We managed to fit in all the traditional stuff, Tron, some shopping, and opened a ton of gifts. I think everyone had a good time, and it was a memorable holiday. I feel blessed to be a part of Ev’s family. They accept me and treat me like one of their own. Holidays remind me of this, and make me appreciate them even more.




2010 was a good year for my family. It definitely was not lacking in bumps and disappointments, but with the support of a wonderful family you can over come anything. I have an amazing life. I can only hope 2011 brings more of them same.

A new decade too, which blows my mind. A decade has gone by! I’ve been in California for 10 years. I’ve been married for almost 10 years. In the last 10 years…I graduated from college, moved 3000 miles twice, got married, had 4 beautiful children, and so much more! It really seems like the blink of an eye. I hope the next 10 years are as wonderful and exciting as the last.
I only wish my mom was still here to see everything. I think she would be proud of me, and so in love with her grandkids. I miss her, and while not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, this time of year is the hardest. I’ve been feeling like I needed a place that I could put flowers or just sit and talk to her, probably sounds strange. My own little memorial, so I made one. Ev’s mom gave us a stepping stone kit last year so the kids & I used it to make a stepping stone in her honor. I was originally going to do it by myself, but my mom would have let the kids help – so I did. I think it came out perfect. We put in the backyard and are going to plant around it in the spring. I think the first thing is going to be Aidan’s paperwhite bulb. So here’s to a brand new year and decade of possibilities!