Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about being a stay at home mom – the pros – the cons. How we are perceived by the world…our peers. Usually there are 2 views to this topic…the “how nice you get to stay home with your child” and the now defensive feeling insignificant stay at home mom who feels like she has to defend herself and goes into the how hard it is to be a stay at home mom at which point the other person/ people shut off and begin to think about how full of poo we are. So yeah it is nice to stay at home with my child because I know where he is…know he’s getting enough to eat and drink, enough kisses and hugs, enough diaper changes, enough fun inspirational educational activities. And yeah it’s nice not to have to get up and rush out the door in the morning only to sit in the sh*t ass California traffic. I don’t have to get out of my PJs or fix my hair, put on makeup..even shower for days at a time. And as cliche as it is I can and do watch a soap – All My Children – which I have watched since before I was born(it’s required in my family) Yes I go for walks to the park and sometimes(rarely) get to take a nap in the middle of the day. But on the other hand I provide all the safty and security for my son, my husband, 2 dogs , and turtle….I make all the meals, change all the diapers, provide the endless kisses and hugs, come up with and execute all the fun inspriational educational activities. And yeah I don’t have to get out of my PJs which is good because some days I can’t there is to much else to do….no time for a shower and even if I did get to have one it’s not alone. And let me tell you the pjs no shower thing isn’t great for the self esteem. And no I don’t have to get up and rush out and sit in traffic..but that doesn’t mean I get to sleep in and drink tea while reading the newspaper. I don’t get to sleep in ever. I am the first one up getting everyone else ready for their days. Yes I watch All My Childern but is usually while I’m doing 8 other things and the TV is turned up so loud the people down the street wonder if anyone will figure out it was Johnathan who drugged Greenly. Oh and those naps in the middle of the day…from time to time Lennox will fall asleep on me and I have no choice but to sit down and usually just end up falling asleep then being woken up by what ever part of my body I can no longer feel. I do all the shopping, pay all the bills, wash and put away all the laundry. I’m on 24 hours a day 7 days week… no vacations, no lunch/coffee breaks, no thank you-great job on the laundry today – no verbal validation. So for as many ways as my job is easy it is also hard…just like yours. Stay at homes are lucky to get to stay home with their kids…but not because it’s all bonbons and soaps but because it’s hard as much as it is easy and it’s life changing as much as it is fullfilling. It’s not only a job it’s a life!
Now having gone back and reading this it sounds defensive but I don’t mean it that way…I just mean it’s a whole different world with different rules. Stay at home moms just want the world to reconize how significant our job is. We have a partnership with our husbands and both sides are equally important. Money makes the world go round….but you still need someone to prepare the food you buy. Homemaking is a real profession that deserves respect.
Category: pregnant
Man did I wake up hungry this morning…..strong intense overwhelmingly hungry…if I don’t eat I’m going implode hungry. So while making Lennox some cereal I also make myself a bowl. It was the best cereal I have ever had…just a little sweet and soft in the gloriously cold milk. I’m surprised I was able to taste it at all–I pretty much just tipped the bowl up and slurped it down. It was so good…I considered using one hand to pour the cereal in my mouth and the other to pour in the milk. I feel like a bottom less pit that aches to be filled. The joys of pregnancy! I’m sitting here now thinking I am hungry again and it’s been about 10 minutes since I put down the cereal and milk. Aidan must be growing. He’s definitely a busy little monkey. You can already see my stomach moving from all his gymnastics. I love feeling him move it’s like constant reassurance that he’s ok in my tummy. It would be hard if I couldn’t feel him beacause what you get at the doctors visits are a quick listen to the heart beat and that’s that. I feel like he’s a summer camp and I only get a quick phone call to let me know he’s ok. I wish we could do an ultra sound every time. That way in addition to hearing his heart I could see it moving. Speaking of ultra sounds I have a question for the world…when we found out his sex the ultra sound was done in the radiology dept instead of my docs office (a new one for me) apparently they can take pictures of all the organs and the doctor can see if everything is developing correctly. The pictures are so detailed that he can even see all the chambers in Aidan’s heart. Crazy huh?!? Lennox was born not even 2 years ago and they weren’t doing this then…is this something new or was it just because I was in Virginia and they are a little behind the times? Oh but back to my real question…we were given x-rays (real honest to god x-rays) as our take home pictures honoring his manhood…does anyone have any idea how to scan these in? We have tried a number of different things and nothing seems to work. So if you have any suggestions please send them my way. Then I’ll post his picture here too!
It’s raining again today – Yuck! Atleast yesterday it was clear long enough to go to the park but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen today. So mall is on our to do list today. I’m having the worst time with Turkey. I want to open the front door and set him free. He annoys the crap out of me….it’s like he was born to make me miserable. I try to remind myself that he is still techincally a puppy…but gesh. Every morning he decides when everyone should get up. And it’s not because he wants to go pee – No he just wants to drive me insane. So if I don’t get up he will go and let himself into Lennox’s room and wake him up…knowing then I have to get up. You son of a bitch. So I remind myself again he’s just a puppy and couldn’t possible be doing these things on purpose…it’s all just a coincidence that he does this almost everyday. Ya know when pregnant there is always that one person who drives you insane…you can’t stand them and even the fact that they are alive bothers you…well this time mine is not a person…it’s a DOG. He is lucky that Evan is here because in my pregnant logic I would have dropped him off at the pound a long time ago. He’s just so different from Pepper…yeah she might have social issues and acts like she’s going to eat everyone she meets but once she’s gets to know you she is the sweetest dog you’ll meet. She likes to sleep in and holds it as long as she can on rainy days to avoid going outside. She mostly just hangs out and bugs you only when she wants out….although when we she was puppy…holy moly did she do some damage. Our first place was a little apartment in Oceanside and it was on the very back of the complex , you had to walk around the building from the parking lot to get to our front door while also passing the patio with a slidding glass door. On this day I must have forgotten to close the blinds…we came home from work and stopped infront of the patio because through the glass doors you could see Pepper laying on her back feet in the air asleep on the couch (well what was left of it) On the floor were the remains of an ottman, guinea pig hay, numerous dvds, a game boy-that didn’t belong to us, all the remote controls, and newspaper. This is what we could see from outside so inside left us both in awe. Anything she could have eaten she did…even things we didn’t think possible like the walls. This was the worst but she continued on her destroying binge for the first 2 years of her life….even eating an entire chocolate cake and a can of cleanser in one sitting (she was fine by the way vet said she has a stomach of steal) We still don’t trust her with the run of the house alone. Remembering these things makes me hate Turkey less…there is a chance that light may be at the end of this tunnel. He may turn out to be a wonderful dog and he makes Pepper happy and plays well with Lennox. That is why we got him anyway – to be Pepper’s friend.
Lennox lovin on Turkey
Pepper trying to sleep in
We watched a very sad movie last night – The Notebook. One of the few love stories Evan has sat through, so it was pretty good. The main characters (noah and alli) have an amazing romance, your typical disaproving parents from different sides of the track fight all the odds and end up together love. The movie is told as a story by a man in a nursing home to a woman with dementia. You don’t know for sure at the beginning but it is Noah reading to Alli who no longer remembers him or anything else in her life. That is the sad part, how unfavor that a disease like that exsits. Your life time of memories gone, who you are gone. You no longer recognize the man you have loved all your life or any of your children or grandchildren. Evan said last night he would rather have cancer or something like it then dementia. My first thought is what is difference, you are still dying atleast with dementia it’s maybe not so painful for you. It seems it would be equally painful for your family….then I realized dememtia would be much much worse. Watching your spouse, mother, best friend deteriorate and not being able to comfort them in the way that only you can. Knowing they feel alone and lost and you can’t help them. Them knowing you is part of what makes you – you. I guess from my perspective it is worse to lose our mental selves then our physical. Yeah we put a lot into the physical but in the end- it really is what’s inside that counts.
Lennox woke up an hour early again and this time I’m not motivated making muffins a what not. I’m tired. My mother in law once told me “as soon as you have them (kids) figured out they will change” And man was she right. It used to be we get through some difficult time with Lennox eating or sleeping – mostly sleeping and he’d be doing really well and I would breath a sigh of relief and the breath had not even finished leaving my lips when boom a new twist. I have learned to not get used to any small patterns in his behavior ….good or bad they will change. Like right now he is finally really easy to put to bed. He will actually grab your hand and lead you to his crib then ask to get in. Can you belive that! After so many months of only nursing to sleep then only rocking sleep he now goes down all by himself. It’s nice and every night that it continues to happen I’m suprised. He’s been doing this for a while now but now will wake up crying either in the middle of the night or an hour early. I hate the waking up crying…it’s so much nicer for me to wake up to his babbling in the baby monitor then to a shrill i just broke my leg scream. But atleast he’s still sleeping like 12 hours a night. But if that ends I can handle it…I think. Sleep deprivation seems to be A number one thing that comes along with being a new mom. So maybe it should change so I’m not so used to getting 8-9 hours of sleep a night when Aidan comes. I’m not looking forward to the every 2 hour feedings. Although when I got used to it I loved sharing that quiet moment with Lennox in the middle of the night. He slept with us pretty much his entire first year and would nurse all night long. It was when I woke up to switch him to the other ninny(breast) that I would look down at him asleep so peaceful – a perfect little angel. He would be snugled in my arm and I could smell his hair and touch his little face. It’s funny people tell you how much your going to love the baby before you have it but you really have no idea how much or what kind of love you’re going to feel. It’s like nothing else in the world. We have decided that we are not going to co-sleep this time. Co-sleeping is a funny thing, it only works if everyone is in agreement. And once you start it’s extremely hard to stop. It’s so easy to just lay down and nurse and then before you know it your sleeping. People(doctors) say that co-sleeping is very unsafe…but we never had any problems. Granted Lennox always slept cradled in my arm in between me and the mesh bedrail. Evan and I never went to bed roaring drunk or still high from the smack smoking parties we’d have every night…you do know I’m kidding right?!? I became a really light sleeper…the moment anyone moved I was awake and checking on everything. I think that’s another mom thing…even now I can be dead asleep and a small creek on the monitor will have me up and listening. Ok off to really start the day!
Perfect attire for Saturday morning cartoons
It’s wake up an hour early screaming – then run around squealing- broken by numerous crying breakdowns day for Lennox. Luckily for him it’s wake up an hour early-feeling motivated baking muffins making fresh OJ (jack lalane juicer best thing in the world) and make coffee day for me. He can scream and squeal all he wants and it can’t hurt me – I did yoga last night. Ahh Yoga. I even made a lunch that Evan will like, tuna with wasabi mayo and spinach accompained by cookies. The only thing that could make this morning better is if it were Saturday and Evan didn’t have to go to work!
More Later