Growing two babies is kicking my butt! When I heard that I should throw out everything I know about being pregnant and just go with flow….ehhh I mean really how different can it be?!? Well my body let me know the answer to that really quickly. Every day is something new, some days are good and some are really bad. I spent two weeks climbing the walls hungry while also feeling extremely nauseous. It’s pretty dang frustrating to be so hungry and not be able to eat. Every thing sounded disgusting and I ended up forcing down lots and lots of crackers. That seems to be going away now (knock on wood). What’s not letting up is the exhaustion. I have realized the days of cleaning the house in one morning are over. Now I have to pick a chore a day. Even my daily walks have to change because an hour is wiping me out. Literally we come home and I can’t get up again for the rest of the afternoon-which doesn’t mesh well with two toddlers running around. I read some where when you find out you’re having twins they tell you –you have to slow down-what they don’t say is how much. And if you have kids you really have to prioritize. Spending time with my boys is more important then clean floors.

I’m showing-3 months pregnant and showing. In theory that’s great, although after Aidan my stomach never really got tight again. So yeah I’m showing a nice little baby belly hiding under a soft layer of fat. I keep telling myself who cares and that layer of fat is the result of two wonderful boys-but it’s still a layer of fat. Not a nice little hard pregnant belly, a soft one that I can’t hold in. I bought a pair of prego overalls and they do a good job of hiding the softness of my belly but still allowing me to be visible pregnant.

I get to hear the heart beats in another week. I’m very excited. I have so many questions for the doctor this time. I’ve really been stressing out about c-sections vs. vaginal birth. C-sections scare the crap out of me. The actually surgery part of it seems pretty straight forward; I’m freaked out by what happens after. How long will it take me to recover? While a c-section is probably the best option where the babies are concerned and us being able to plan ahead with all our help in place, I just can’t seem to commit. I am afraid, afraid to be out of commission for too long. After my next appointment I hope to feel better about this. But something in me has not completely let go of giving birth to them naturally. I feel selfish for that, because that’s about me and not what’s best for them. I am still in awe of what’s happening inside me-it’s just insane!