Aid Bub courtney Ev friends General

Working on me

This week went by fast…two of our very favorite friends from San Diego came to visit Monday 🙂 It was an exciting time-first because we haven’t seen them in over two years…so they hadn’t met Bub or Aid. Second because it was M’s birthday so we got to celebrate that and the fact that her and R are prego! Couldn’t be happier for them. They are going to make such amazing parents and boy is their baby going to be long. They are both rather tall. M&R were our first couple friends as a married people. We used to go out to dinner and a movie with them all the time…it was like we were dating 🙂 They are so nice and easy to talk to. They spent the night Monday and we ended up all talking till very late. It was hard to let them go home 🙁

Then tonight one of Ev’s co-workers/friend was having a poker birthday party. It was really fun we all went..they have two boys-2&3-and yes 13months apart and she actually wants to have more…but they are two wonderful and well behaved boys. Bub had a great time with A the oldest. They played and played, then took a bath together and A even wanted Bub to spend the night. It was so cute and amazing how well they got along. Their house is amazing-very kid friendly! So I actually got to relax a bit eat and socialize. Usually going to dinner parties is very stressful and something I avoid, because you spend the whole time chasing the kids and don’t get to enjoy the company or dinner. But tonight was a welcome change! That and Ev’s friend and wifey are incredibly nice people also very easy to be around. They are both really smart-wifey speaks 7 languages! Their boys speak 3! It was just a really great night 🙂

It was a nice break from the trouble I’ve been having…I’ve been struggling with some anger issues. Just out of curiosity the other night I did a google search “postparum anger” and actually found quite a bit about it. I always thought of postpartum as being sad..unable to get out of bed-don’t want to take of the kids-want to hurt them or myself… But it can actually be many different things and manifest itself in different ways. For me it seems to be in my anger management. I get really angry very easily and have acted very much the way I don’t want Bub to act-throwing tantrums. Then afterward I feel extremely guilty and mad at myself for losing control. I don’t think I would ever phyiscally hurt my boys but I’m afraid my yelling will hurt them mentally. It definitely isn’t teaching them the proper way to deal with stress or frustration. I’ve actually been doing very good with keeping control lately…when I feel myself reach the edge I think about how horrible I feel after I lose control and can step back long enough to pull the anger back. It’s amazing how common this is and I actually plan on doing some reading and joining a support group. I want to educate myself so I can write more about it here. Maybe be able to offer support to other woman who feel this way. It’s hard enough just to deal with these feelings then to also feel like the feelings are bad and something to be ashamed of-something you don’t talk about-because no one can know you aren’t perfect. I think maybe these feelings are natural and the reason once it was very common to raise your family near your extended family-so you had help and could take breaks. It’s like God did not mean for us to do this alone. We are supposed to have our moms-moms-in-law, sisters-sister-in-laws around…we are all supposed to help eachother. The support of other women we love and trust is very important. Women need to talk and support eachother more in general…stop competing. Anyway I’m going to the library this week to get some books…so I’ll share what I learn. I used to be embarrassed about my anger but now that I’ve admitted it’s a problem and am doing things to fix it I don’t feel so bad. I’m not perfect-no one is.

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