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courtney Ev

Happy Anniversary

To Ev and Me 🙂

7 years have passed so quickly.

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One for each light in my life

my arm
my arm
my arm

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Teethy tooth

Cora cut her first tooth…front bottom right. She’s going to look so cute all snaggletoothed. It’s both exciting and scary, because I still have to put some very sensitive areas of my body in her mouth. We’re still working on sleep and it’s still going not well. I think their tummies just aren’t big enough to sleep as long as their brains are mature enough to. Our time will come.

The Eckards are going green. We’ve ramped up our efforts to recycle, I mean we pay for it whether we do it or not. It’s also pretty nice not over filling the trash bin and getting fun notes from the trash man about how he hates us and thinks we suck eggs. Ecological and thrifty. We are also slowly eliminating plastic products from the kitchen. They’re just not good us. Plastic =Cancer and all kinds of bad stuff. It’s insane how many plastic things we use. All the kids dishware and cups and utensils, all food storage, cutting boards, ect. It’s going to take a while to replace all these things so we started with the things that come in contact with food and heat and things that food or beverages would sit in for longer periods of time. dinner In the place of our plastic water bottles and sippy cups we now use SIGG Bottles. Swiss made aluminum water bottles. They have 0% leaching-so absolutely no migration of either the liner or the container into the beverage. They’re light weight and not bad to look at. Ecological and non-cancer causing, win/win.

Here are the girls…aren’t they precious!
girls
The plastic toys are next on the list to go…

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Breaking down and moving on

If you’ve been reading any of my post lately I’m sure I come across a bit ehh I don’t know…frustrated, sad, overwhelmed and lately I have been all of those things. Months of inconsistent sleep and burning my candle at both ends have helped me slip into a bad place. I’ve been trying , since the girls were born, to do it all-by myself. Life has let me know in no uncertain terms that this is not possible. I need help and lots of it. The people around me think I have it all under control and I have to let them know, I don’t. Well I should say I don’t every day. I have good days when I feel like I’ve got things all tied up, but mostly it’s a spiraling out of control mess (or at least that’s the way in looks from here). A lot of things outside my small world are also going wrong. You know that saying God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle, well lately I’ve been wondering if maybe God got me confused with someone else. That really sums it up. I don’t like being here. I want to be positive and enjoy my family and life. That’s why I’m writing about it here. I seem to be able to work things out when I write, so I’m going to write. Write and write until I feel better.

I also realized I never wrote a 6 month post about the girls. They’ve just discovered each other. It makes my heart swell when they look at each other and smile. They make each other laugh and give kisses. It’s amazing how gentle they are, reaching out to touch a cheek or grab a hand. Not to say they don’t accidently pop each other pretty often. They’re getting so strong and are so close to sitting up. Cora rolls all over and often sleeps on her tummy (which freaks us out). Cuba’s babbling is starting to sound like mama and baba (which I think is her way of saying Bub-who she loves). They’re eating solids about twice a day, we’re working towards a third. Rice cereal is just about the only thing they don’t like (and formula). I’m still feeding them at the same time and they’ve gotten much more patient with me and taking turns. They are still growing slow but steady. This is why I’m working towards the third solid meal of the day because I don’t want to cut back too much on nursing just yet. I’m not going to talk much about their growth, while I have been assured over and over that they are two very healthy girls, I’m still working through my doubts. They spend much less time being carried around these days. I sit them in their bumbo seats with a bin of toys between them and can usually take a shower (bringing them in the bathroom) or get dinner started while they play. We’re still working on sleeping, both naps and night time change from day to day. No teeth yet, got no problem with that. The longer they’re toothless the better for my boobies! I get asked often if they are identical or fraternal, we think fraternal. Really it doesn’t matter much to us , it doesn’t change anything either way. But for being fraternal they are so similar in their development. A small difference in their weight and height, but every thing else has been the same. Rolling over within minutes of each other, babbling the same day, although they do babble in different ways. I don’t plan on putting much emphasis on them being twins as they grow. They’re sisters that met each other before we met them, which is special for them, but has nothing to do with them as individuals. One of my favorite things to do with them right now is holding them right after nursing. Their cheeks and noses are pink and they’re a little milk drunk. They ‘re so happy, holding my face with both hands giving baby open mouth kisses , in between me covering their little faces with kisses. That’s what I love best right now, kissing their pink checks.

This is the hardest but most rewarding time in my life.

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Self-Doubt

Thank goodness for lactation consultants. Over the past few days I started to freak out over the girls. They’re not sleeping enough, they’re not gaining enough, there’s something wrong with my milk…you know a few of the many things mom’s constantly think they’re doing wrong.

We’re in the process of getting the ladies to sleep alone in their room, and while the process is not easy, it is going well. I think they may be close to sleeping completely through the night because I have been waking them to feed them. I wasn’t sure if I could let them go more then 5 hours with out eating. My girls are petite, and that makes me nervous. I’ve been reassured by their pediatrician that they’re doing well, right on their own little track, but every time I’m out and about and some one says “wow they’re so small” I feel less assured. Until this morning…this morning I talked to a wonderful woman who told me several times in our conversation how good I was doing. She was able to see the girls’ charts and said they are doing very well, I’m doing everything right. She explained that breastfed babies do not always gain an ounce a day; it is more common for them to gain 4-6 ounces a week. But more important then that is that they continue to progress. It is also good to look at the whole picture, are they happy, are they meeting normal milestones. She also feels very strongly that someone needs to develop a breastfed baby growth chart. I think that would be helpful in addition to a twin growth chart. But then again that’s where the problems begin…making comparisons, when each child (even twins) grow and develop at their own rate.

I breastfed the boys and they’re still alive and thriving, I don’t know why I got so nervous and off my game. I need to stop taking what strangers say to heart. A grain or two of salt would do me well. I’ve had my weight in self-doubt lately. Lack of sleep, and hormones are making me crazy!