I’ve been accused of being selfish and disrespectful for my last post. I am not either of those things. I am tired of pretending. I am trying to deal with the loss of my mom. I am going to deal with it openly and honestly. I am going to write about it. I’m going to say it out loud. It’s not a dirty little secret; it’s a fact of my life.
My mom was a good person, she was friendly and approachable. Many of my people skills are directly from her. She taught to be nice even when you want very badly to be rude, you get farther in life keeping your cool. So obviously manners were very important in my house growing up. I am unbending when it comes to enforcing good manners with my own kids because of it. Her idea of manners and politeness went way beyond please and thank you. She taught me how much a smile or kind word can affect someone. How a hand on someone’s shoulder can change their entire mood. This goes so much farther then making someone else feel better, it’s being aware of the world and people around you. It’s knowing you make a difference. If I can pass anything from her onto my children it will be this.
I love my mother very much, and have more than a life times worth of good things to say about her. But I am also angry and hurt. Those feelings are going to seep into everything I write for I don’t know how long. I would love to and often try to lose myself in all those good memories but I always end up back at the anger and pain.