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Working things through

I’ve been accused of being selfish and disrespectful for my last post. I am not either of those things. I am tired of pretending. I am trying to deal with the loss of my mom. I am going to deal with it openly and honestly. I am going to write about it. I’m going to say it out loud. It’s not a dirty little secret; it’s a fact of my life.
My mom was a good person, she was friendly and approachable. Many of my people skills are directly from her. She taught to be nice even when you want very badly to be rude, you get farther in life keeping your cool. So obviously manners were very important in my house growing up. I am unbending when it comes to enforcing good manners with my own kids because of it. Her idea of manners and politeness went way beyond please and thank you. She taught me how much a smile or kind word can affect someone. How a hand on someone’s shoulder can change their entire mood. This goes so much farther then making someone else feel better, it’s being aware of the world and people around you. It’s knowing you make a difference. If I can pass anything from her onto my children it will be this.
I love my mother very much, and have more than a life times worth of good things to say about her. But I am also angry and hurt. Those feelings are going to seep into everything I write for I don’t know how long. I would love to and often try to lose myself in all those good memories but I always end up back at the anger and pain.

4 replies on “Working things through”

Courtney, We either voice and deal with our anger or remain silent and it deals with us – as difficult as it may be you have chosen the healthy path. Good for you.

I always read your posts in order and I would have never guessed that you were being selfish. You were being honest and letting your true feelings out. That is part of working through a loss. Besides, this is your blog and you can say whatever you want. That is a beauty of it. Please don’t let anyone get you down. You already have a lot to deal with. Good luck with the move and let me know if you need help. Sunday and Monday are my days off. Take care and know my thoughts are with you.
Love, Melissa

I agree with the last two posts. Anyone who knows you knows that you are not a selfish person, and they also know that you loved your mom very much! Maybe it comes from the old saying “you shouldn’t speak bad about the dead.” But you are hurt and you have every right to talk about your feelings…it is very healthy. They are your feelings, and you have every right to have them! Try not to listen to anyone’s negative feedback. You know what they say, “unless you’ve walked a mile in another person’s shoes you have no right to judge! Love ya!

April

I think when you are able to let out all the pent up feelings no matter how others feels is your right and other need to respect that. Life is too short for all of us to worry about others unless it is in a carrying, respectful and helpful manner. Being the sister of Courtney’s Mom, I can respect and honor Courtney for speaking her feels. I have some bad feels about being shut out of your life for reasons I will never understand. However, it is not to late to start the relationship we were cheated out of. I know when I say the aforementioned that I speak for the whole family. We love you each and every day and want you to know you are always welcome in our home and our life!!

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