Lots of thoughts went through my head today…I started out thinking about how much of a pleaser I am. I always want everyone to be happy-not only happy, but happy with me. I’m always careful not to say anything to offend or hurt any0ne. I kinda envy those people that can say what they want when they want about whatever they want! Never stopping to think about who it hurts or offends. Maybe it says alot about the relationships I have…maybe they are all superficial. Not strong enough to handle the truth in my thoughts. Or maybe I care too much for the people I have relationships to hurt them even if it would be the truth I was dealing. It makes it hard to blog. I worry that if I word something wrong or give a truly raw politically incorrect opinion I will offend someone and they won’t come back…or a family member or friend will take something the wrong way. Maybe this is the first in many long steps I have to make away from being a pleaser. Rain makes me sad and introspective these days. I spend the day focusing on all the things I don’t do perfectly…all the mistakes in my head. Mad at myself for not being able to contribute financially now when my family needs it most. Days like this make me feel helpless and lonely. I don’t like it and hope the sun comes out tomorrow-if not in the sky atleast in my head. I have a doctors apt so that should pull me out of this funk. I love hearing Aidan’s little heart beating strong as he trys to escape the doppler. I’m 30 weeks now :) It makes all the day to day things seem small and insignificant.