I’m having a hard time letting things go. I need to feed everyone, I need to clean everything, I need to do every thing and I need to do it by my self. Unfortunately what I need isn’t at the top of the have to do list. It’s sounds silly to say that since what I need is to take care of everyone else, my conflict is the need to do it all with no help-then when I can’t I get angry. I am spread thin, conflicted, and guilty, all self imposed. Then at the girls dr. apt yesterday their pediatrician mentioned we may need to supplement. Just the mention of that stresses me out. The doc made sure I knew it was probably not going to be needed but something to think about as they grow. Awesome- one more thing.

Yesterday was successful but pretty dang stressful. Aidan, the girls and I all took Lennox to school. We were late. Then Aidan and I took the girls to the doc straight from there. We were early and had to wait-waiting with small children is always fun. Luckily the doctor’s office has a fish tank and really cool glassed in electric train set. Aidan was happy to watch the train go round and round while I paced with the girls. Cora has reflux. Reflux=Screaming. You know what else is fun about reflux (besides the screaming) all the stuff I get to cut out of my diet while we figure out the problem. Not just dairy…broccoli, cauliflower, wheat, and gluten. The wheat and gluten scare me the most-no bread. I’m all about losing weight, but I’m also nursing two babies. Sandwiches, cereal, oatmeal are the easiest ways to fill my belly. When you’ve got a screaming baby and two toddlers all needing your attention, it’s a little hard to whip up a meal free from all the bad stuff. No more complaining! I’m frustrated but I need to remember this time is going to fly by and I will miss it. I need to look at the diet change as something good and a no excuses way for me to get creatively healthy. It’s all a means to a really great end-happy babies and a skinny me. But back to yesterday…after the check up we hauled butt to pick Lennox back up from preschool and were over taken by excited mommies. I love showing off the girls and am eager to make new friends so all the attention was cool…would have been wonderful if Aidan wasn’t so overly excited t o be there and left his listening ears at home.

Along with the new diet I have to figure out Aidan. He has changed quit a bit since his sisters were born. Some changes all on his own and some that we initiated. He’s a chatty little man now who tests the waters constantly. He’s also trying to give up napping-not at all cool. He still needs a nap but refuses to take one. Sometimes I’m lucky and he falls asleep on his own but for the most part he is awake all day. I’m working really hard to not to be too hard on him (with all the not listening) but to still make sure he’s behaving and not getting away with too much. I can’t have any rouge soldiers in my bunch. At the moment I don’t know what to do except keep him really busy.

If Cora’s crying doesn’t let up by the end of the week (when every thing irritating should be out of our systems) she’ll be put on medication. I hope it doesn’t come to that, I’m hoping the change in diet will do it. I’m not a big fan of medication for children. If they must -ok- but if we can avoid it I would rather we did. I also want to figure this out as quickly as possible because I feel like Cuba doesn’t get as much attention because Cora needs so much. It’s like she’s being punished for being so easy going. I don’t know what I would do if I had two screaming babies so I’m extremely thankful for her calmness-but guilty for it being so easy to set her down.

Life is just insane. It changes every day and as soon as we figure out one struggle a new one pops up to replace it…what’s that saying-“what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” Well we’re not dead yet.