Today is Aid’s first birthday. The party planned, invitations long since received and rsvp’d. We got the cake, made some cupcakes just for fun. Blew up balloons spread them around. Everything is ready to celebrate the day he came into the world. The memories of his birth, my labor are still so vivid. I’ve spent the day walking through them. I don’t remember much from the day that lead up to contractions waking me at 2am, but from the moment I rolled over and looked at the clock I can recall almost all the details until I fell asleep again long after his birth. It has been an amazing and hard year. They tell you going from one to two is hard, and having them close together is hard…hard I can handle. They don’t tell you how hard-it’s not physically hard-physical I can do. This is emotional hard, drain you on a daily basis, grasping to small strains of sanity hard. I can not even begin to count how many times I found myself crying on the bathroom floor(bathroom-don’t know why) countless times I’ve questioned my ability as a mother-as a functional human being. I have glimpsed the edge-walked right up to it and looked over. I think the only thing that kept me falling over is a giggle here, a snuggle there. Small noggins snuggled into my neck little hands tangled in my hair. My oldest finally saying “Luuuvv you ma”. Watching brothers becoming brothers. I know this should be about Aidan, how wonderful he is, how much I love him. But of course I think he’s wonderful-he is the sun, moon, and stars. He is one of the three reasons I wake up each morning. But I think in addition to celebrating his birth we should celebrate who gave birth to him. There should be labor parties. I mean he is the culmination of 10 months of hard work-all rolled into a tiny pink package. I grew a person and then pushed him out. And I am (ok Ev too) responsible for raising someone that will grow into a person- a productive part of society-person. So I should get a party each year too-because with each year comes new tests and trials. A party with presents and cake! So today when we are singing happy birthday to Aidan I will also be singing “congratulations you gave birth to someone and they’ve already made it a year” secretly to myself.

Aidan is an amazing child, whose life continues to be a blessing. His beautiful soft strawberry blonde hair is beginning to curl and his cheeks are almost always rosie. His grin is unbearably cute and his giggle could melt even the coldest heart. He is bright and independent. This has been a year of learning-like I’m sure the rest will be.

Happy Birthday Butter Bean

I love you so much!